Building Stronger Bonds: Navigating Life with Your Adult Children and Grandchildren
Our 17-year-old and 5-year-old granddaughter.
My husband and I raised a blended family, and sometimes it’s hard to believe how far we’ve come. Back during the tougher teenage years, I couldn't have imagined how we would interact with the kids now that most of them are in their 20s (though our son is in high school at home). There are the typical milestones you expect—kids moving out, going to college, coming back home briefly, and finally settling into their own lives. We’ve experienced marriages, the joy of grandchildren (only one so far in our case), and watching them succeed in their careers, relocating from San Francisco back to Chicago.
This past May, we had the pleasure of visiting our oldest in Napa Valley, California, just before he moved back to Chicago. It was a wonderful trip; we explored the beautiful wine country, visited wineries, and enjoyed a lovely dinner with him before heading back to Nevada for the rest of our journey.
That same son was thrilled to present us with our Christmas gifts this year, having thoughtfully selected meaningful items from Chicago. After living there for 15 years, I was particularly excited about my Chicago Yeti cup and an autographed cookbook. The best part is that he can easily drive here whenever he wants. Our daughter, who lives nearby, often collaborates with our granddaughter to create unique gifts. This year, we received a delightful snow globe featuring our granddaughter. I had even planned to make one with her, and we might still do that!
Changing Dynamics
Transitioning from the role of caregiver and family director to an almost friend-like bond has been such a rewarding experience. My stepdaughter often tells me that I’m basically her best friend. We talk almost daily, and while my stepson doesn’t call as often, he shares funny stories from his life in the city during our chats. I offer advice when asked, but I am careful to step back and let them make their own decisions. Our daughter tends to seek a lot of input, and I try to encourage her to take ownership of her choices. After all, she’s the one who has to live with the outcomes, regardless of the opinions we—along with anyone else—might have.
We’ve also been there for the tough times. Our daughter’s first marriage didn’t end well, and our son has faced some rough job transitions. Those challenges affect us as well, but having a strong family network helps everyone navigate through the tough patches.
My daughter often seeks my opinion because I was once a young mom (raising four kids!) and have had a fulfilling career managing people. She frequently asks for guidance on work situations and how I might handle them, which I’m more than happy to provide.
As grandparents, my husband and I cherish the time we spend with our stepdaughter and her family, especially since they live nearby. We get to see them often, and our granddaughter, who lived with us for her first four years, frequently requests sleepovers at our house. She’s five and a half now, and those moments are precious to us.
If you had asked me ten years ago if we would be where we are today, I would have said no. It’s been a bumpy journey at times, but I truly feel happy with where we’ve landed.
Our Granddaughter bird watching, summer 2024
5 Closing Tips for Building Meaningful Relationships with Your Adult Children
Celebrate the Little Wins Along the Way
Every phase of parenting has its challenges, but focusing on the positive moments—whether it’s a thoughtful gift, a meaningful conversation, or a visit filled with laughter—helps you appreciate how far your family has come. Cherish those small victories as they build the foundation for a lasting bond.Respect Their Independence, But Stay Involved
Striking the right balance between offering advice and allowing them to make their own decisions is key. Be a sounding board when they ask for guidance, but let them take ownership of their choices. They’ll grow, and your relationship will strengthen.Be Flexible Through Life’s Transitions
Life changes—marriages, careers, relocations, and even difficult times—can test family dynamics. Embrace flexibility and adaptability as you navigate these transitions together. A strong support system can make all the difference.Prioritize Quality Time, However It Looks
Whether it’s a cross-country trip to visit, a family dinner, or collaborating on a craft project with your grandchild, prioritize the time you spend with them. These shared experiences will deepen your connection and create lasting memories.Build New Traditions as the Family Grows
As children grow into adults, traditions may evolve or new ones may emerge. Encourage these changes by embracing activities that bring everyone joy—whether it’s exchanging meaningful gifts, planning annual trips, or simply making time for regular calls. These traditions keep your family close, no matter the distance.
As parents, transitioning to a new role in your children’s lives is a journey filled with challenges, growth, and so much joy. Watching your children thrive in their careers, embrace meaningful traditions, and grow their own families is one of life’s greatest gifts. Whether you’re sharing advice, celebrating milestones, or simply enjoying a quiet moment together, the bonds you’ve built over the years continue to evolve and deepen.
What are some ways you’ve connected with your adult children or grandchildren? Share your experiences in the comments below! If you’re looking for more tips and stories about family life, be sure to subscribe to our blog for updates, and don’t forget to share this post with someone who might find it helpful. Let’s continue building stronger families together!
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*Note: I use stepson and step-daughter interchangeably with son and daughter.